TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You are the jesus of drinking
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
