clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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