I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All the doctor said was why
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
