he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
