Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
