I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
