The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
