the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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