It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
