I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
