im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
