hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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