she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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