There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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