i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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