3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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