definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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