Got a toothbrush?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We were destined to go to rehab together
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize