I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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