If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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