he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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