Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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