I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
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shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
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