I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
