don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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