is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
