For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
