I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize