I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
