He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
