He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize