I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
