Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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