in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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