I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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