She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
