fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
