3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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