Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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