It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
