be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
