Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
