when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Green mimosas i think yes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have aggressive nipples.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
