My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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