One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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