He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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