I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
