just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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