I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
