He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
