Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
