A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hippo gnu deer
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
