So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
