So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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