Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
