I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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