Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
