he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
