At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
