I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
