a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
