Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
