A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She needs sedatives and a leash
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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