the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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