i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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