I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
