How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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