If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
