I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
