Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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