That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
